Posts tagged life

Sitting here, painting my nails a dark shade of maroon…. watching HBO’s “Girls” on repeat. 

I can’t tell people enough about how this show has encompassed what the current generation of young women go through. I may not have gone through everything the characters have on this show… but I CAN say that it’s pretty damn accurate. 

Speaking of girls in their 20s… The hormone changes SUCK. At least for me. Currently I am experiencing the WORST acne. It feels like I’m going through puberty all over again. But really. LOOK AT THIS SHIT:

NOT OK!!!! I want to cover it up with makeup, but I know it’ll just make it worse. So I go around all day wearing my glasses (which are only for reading/computer work) hoping that it will hide me from sight. 

Yes, I may be exaggerating. But lately that’s how I’ve been feeling when it comes to my skin. I’ve been so confident for the past several years and because of this minuscule problem that will probably go away in a few months I don’t feel as though I can be who I am. 

And all this is trivial and stupid and won’t last. But I had to put it down somewhere, right?

Have you ever felt so unbelievably happy and thankful that you start to get scared?

Well I’ve been so blessed with an amazing family, a boyfriend who I’m lucky to have, close friends that are downright the BEST, and a school that will help me get on with my life. 

So of course with all this wonderful-ness happening I start feeling like something is going to go wrong. Is it a curse of being a woman? Or am I just being irrational?

Anyhew. I really just can’t believe all that I have right now, and I am feeling extremely grateful. 

I’m thankful for my family, whether we be related or not.

I’m thankful for having a roof over my head, food in my fridge, clean water available to me, and being healthy.

I’m thankful for my friends who are always there for me and make my life brighter every day.

I’m thankful for the wonderful man that has come into my life and made me feel like the luckiest woman there is.

I’m thankful for my job and the people I work with. They make my day fun and interesting.

I’m thankful for all the privileges I’ve received over the years, and extremely grateful.

I’m thankful for my education.

I’m thankful for all the experiences in my life that have made me who I am today.

I’m thankful for Doctor Who.

I’m thankful for life.

I know I have been reblogging a lot, but I can’t help it! There’s so many good stuff in my “Liked” section!

But here’s a little update on my life:

1. I got into a college! WOo!!! So Im finally on a good path for finishing school!

2. Work is fun, but I’ve been dealing with some kids who are SO rude it’s ridiculous. I can’t wait till I’ve taken some education courses to learn how to properly deal with them. 

3. I’ve been dating. 

4. Life is going so well, and I’ve been feeling very positive about everything. 

5. Google+ rocks, but I ended up getting into an argument with a 13 year old about the upcoming election. Let’s just say I was proud of myself, and now I’m terribly scared for the youth of our country. 

6. I’ve been taking yoga at a studio and I LOVE IT. 

I reconsidered my life goals. 

I was watching It’s Complicated (staring Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin) with my dad for maybe the 6th time. I then described to my dad that one of the reasons why I watch movies like that (and by ‘that’ I mean the style of The Family Stone, It’s Complicated… etc..etc) is because I love the kitchens and the homes that the characters live in. 

I could rant for hours how perfectly cozy yet chique the design of these homes are. They feel old and lived in, yet have an incredibly welcoming factor to them for entertaining guests. I guess the term would be “shabby-chique”. 

My dad then stated very plainly, “Just work really hard, make a lot of money, and you could have one of those homes as soon as possible. Don’t wait.” 

I knew what he meant by that was, “Don’t wait for a man to complete your dreams”. And I realized that I have been thinking about marriage far too much. I’m only 20 years old for Christ’s sake. Yes, I desperately want a husband and kids but that doesn’t mean I have to wait for them to have what I want. Especially living-wise. I CAN have one of those houses if I really want it. I could do it by myself. But that also scares me, I think it’s partly because I’m a little lazy when it comes to future planning. I have wonderful ideas, but sometimes don’t follow through or I wait for someone to do it for me. Usually it’s personal things, not related to work or school. 

I realized that I could do it. If I put my mind to it. I will have that “shabby-chique” house with the giant kitchen and vintage bath in the master bathroom. I will have a beautiful back yard where lanterns hang over the patio. 

I will have that house. 

Went to a bar last night. We caught up a bit and every time I looked into his eyes I felt like crying. Why? Because I realized I missed him terribly. I’m going to miss him even more once he is gone. I might even love him.

We drank and drank. I had too much.

Back at his place: hung out, laughed… And suddenly we’re fooling around. I remember bits and pieces. I shouldn’t have let it happen, but it felt good.

The next morning: I pretend to stay asleep. Thinking about how to leave. I shouldn’t be here. My heart is so confused. I finally get up, get dressed and say I should go. He seems upset. I leave, wishing he’d come after me. But no.

I’m in my own bed now. Regretting my actions. Savoring the moment of being with him. Wishing I knew what I was feeling. I want to cry but I don’t want to feel weak.

What the hell is going on?!

And sometimes being numb is just what you need.

Yes, there are triggers for the feelings, but that doesn’t mean they are the cause.

For once not feeling anything hits the spot.

I haven’t slept in that late in a VERY long time. I needed it. 

I’m on cloud nine right now when it comes to love-life, but at the same time very reserved and a little confused. But I just have to let things take their course. 

I finished all my transfer apps, and it’s very exciting/scary. I’m ecstatic about living in southern CA, but being home in the Bay Area has made me not want to leave. I love all my friends here, and am thoroughly enjoying the new ones. But then again, I don’t necessarily enjoy the Bay much. I loved NY, and I love Southern CA. 

All in all, I’m loving life. I may be behind on certain things, and stressed about school but my life is great. My friends are wonderful and my family is so supportive. 

Bring it on world. 

Almost every one of my friends is in a relationship.

It’s making me so upset. Thank god my best friend feels the same as I do.

Its not that I need to be in a relationship to be happy, I actually enjoy being single very much. But when you’re surrounded by a love that you don’t have, it sure can bring you down.

As Charlotte from Sex and the City says, “I’ve been looking since I was 15, WHERE IS HE?!”